Passion,ambition and responsibility.

Now at 3:12 a.m.,23rd October 2016,I am writing a blog about these 3 words.

They have been lingering around my mind since the past 2 years,but have made their presence much more bolder this year.I was and still am dazed,lost,contemplating about my future.When you're living with almost a dozen family members,the responsibility is high but on the average,not so bad.

I was debating with myself and my parents about what kind of course I could take if I do manage to pass the examination..and it was downing for me.Now,I'm not even sure whether it is actually a valid dream because responsibilties are trying to weigh in their "logic". So I don't know to whom I could talk to about this.Still,right now I don't have any proper goals to focus on.

My passion and ambition works together well.My ambition and responsibility matches well.Unfortunately,my passion and responsibilty do not mix together well.Ever since 2014,my world seems like a freaking big maze.I was not informed of any directions or maps or whatever that could help me escape.

I don't want to dissapoint anyone any further.I really don't want to.

Hong;Part 2

Actually,that may be all that I could think of when I thought of him.I guess I felt a lot for him.However,it was not like I had a crush towards him,it's just that I felt very friendly towards him..somehow.If that made sense for you guys,well that's it for the Hong series.

Thank you for tuning in 😂😂😂

Hong ; Part 1

Hong is a mysterious person.Hong was probably not his name too.In my opinion,he is a nice person.A person who has a lot of secrets to keep.

I met him a year ago in an academy located at the end of the green line and was delighted with his cheerful personality.Well,the other students were quite..calm so much so that it felt too serene. Despite his casual appearance,his eyes were as bright as an owl and his proactiveness reminded me of a meerkat.

He is very good with his words.Maybe I felt a bit overwhelmed because of the way he conversed to me.The attention that he gave was immensely pressuring and always made me take a step backwards.Remember what I told you about his eyes?Yeah,those combined made me rigid -almost.

Time to time,I thought about his well-being.I hope that he passed the exam that he studied so diligently for.

It's a belated content but...

Happy 51st Singapura!

I was watching a variety show and they were talking about their independence activists.I became emotionally overwhelmed when they talked about the things that they went through.It was relatable as Singapore also had precious people who went through so much just so that we are where we are today.They were selfless and brave and they were our lions.Everything that they did for Singapura,went through for Singapore resulted as a success.Alhamdulillah.

I was moved to tears.When I thought about all the sacrifices that they made,I was thankful.What they went through was probably non the youth nor the young now could imagine going through.Our lions fought for us,a country that is home to multiraces.Thank you Lions,we will remember you forever.

Part 2 : Shall I vent?

I tried.I tried a lot of things.

I tried to be positive.I tried to stay the same.I tried to be a better person.A better daughter,a better sister,a better self.It works only for a short duration and then it's gone.
My progress was stopped..and it was due to many causes.I don't know how to start really.

But somehow,I am still trying.No matter how many times I felt that I was an utter failure,useless,unhelpable and incapable of helping my family,I still couldn't forget the responsibility that I have towards my family,friends,juniors and especially towards myself.

Although there were people who saw me as a matured person,I am still a someone who's trying to find her identity.Someone who is still lost in the woods.I still do not know if all that I've sacrificed is still the right thing to let go.

I thought countless times again and again,boring the heck out of my brains thinking why am I still in the same spot?Why do I feel like I am not moving onwards?Why am I left here all alone again?

There was an answer,and it came out again and again.But I just couldn't...wouldn't believe it.How...how can I after all those times failing and failing again.I was in a dilemma for several days.

I guess I still haven't believed in myself yet.

Part 1 : Shall I vent?

For all those times that they told me that they were glad that I am still the same old cheery,bubbly and over-friendly girl that they knew two years ago.

I could only thought,"If only they could see how I truly am throughout the entire time I tried to get back up on my two feet after I have failed my recent examinations."

Once,there was a talk session with this Malaysian astronaut who came to our school about 4 years ago. When I saw him,I saw an ambitious and a very strong-willed man who believed in himself.I appreciated his presence,more so with his talk.Then he asked us students about who do we want to be,there were a show of hands before me.Following after he picked me and I stood up nervously holding the mike given to me and said,"I..I want to be something -"

He interrupted by kindly saying,"Someone you mean?"

At the same time the others were snickering,groaning,laughing and so on.Which I kind of understood because it was silly of me to make that kind of mistake.

"Yes!I meant that I want to be someone who the younger people looks up to. Yeah...".

I think he sensed that I was a bit embarrassed and (still) nervous because of the reactions I received from the audience that he told me,"It's okay ,it's fine. Let them laugh at you. It is fine,you can do this."

I was relieved that he knew how I felt and appreciated those comments.The snickering stopped and I sat down.I wondered,just how many of those jeerings and unbeliefs that he faced?It seems that he has faced more that he could let on.

Ever since then,I remembered him as one of the very few adults who believes in me.

This memory of mine is only one of the few that gets me motivated.I am retaking the examinations for the third time already and I am still trying to get back up on my feet.